Duh

Guess I should also update for those of you that actually depend on this blog to know whats going on in my life since my sorry ass doesn't return phone calls. Mark made it through his surgery fine. He is currently driving me crazy, whining about wanting a dip and trying to eat forbidden foods. The school situation with Ryan did not work out. I pulled him out and I am now homeschooling him. Lets keep our comments on that to our selves mmmk? We are ready for the holidays, well ready for them to be over with. I just want this year behind me at this point. Just something that you talk about sometimes when you are old like "Hey Christy you remember 08" "Oh yeah Besty I remember it god that year sucked ass." See I am moving on and ready for the next thing.

Honesty

I have to be honest here. I fear for the life of this blog. See as of right now it is missing a key ingredient. The pug is gone. We still have the kids and we still have the washing machine. My children and laundry are not going to go away that easily. I am sad to come here in my pugless state. I am also feeling a bit fake, like a poser. I am among the pugless. I have lost my membership to the elite group of pug owners and to be honest I don't know if I can return. Sure they will let me back in but I don't know that I have the heart to start over. It has been 5 days since my pug disappeared. I am getting better. I cried for the first two. Who knew you could cry for two days straight? I don't know is left to happen to me? I am scared to ask? I have turned into a living breathing country song. I must go pick up my mama from prison in the rain. (Bonus points to you if you get that reference with out google)

MIA

I apologize for not posting. I was sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. I was having a bit of a pity party. I would have invited you guys but it was a party for one. I guess I just needed a few weeks to feel sorry for myself that I once again had to move off and leave my friends. I know there are worse things in life than living in a town where you don't know anyone. But I assure you it tops my list of suckiest things ever. So I have pulled my head out my ass and decided to move back among the land of the living. I am trying to enjoy the holidays with my kids and not let things get to me. I would have posted before now but trust me when I tell you that I am whiny enough on this blog with out giving play by play of my pity party. So enough about whine fest 2008. My Christmas tree is up and so far no pug has peed on it. I am prepared to commence my holiday baking. I only have 5 or 6 boxes lurking around here waiting for me to unpack them. It didn't snow the other day when it was fore casted. So life it good. I promise to post more often with less whine. Well I will try at least.

The move from hell

Where here it is the post I promised. The move from hell. Lets start with the months we waited to find out if we were going to be moving or not. Then we find out we are moving and then we don't know when. Then we have to deal with selling a house in this market. Then the big day arrives. Our moving day. My husband is supposed to be off work to help with the move but when does anything ever go as planned? So he ends up making it just in time to help me load the animals and the kids and off we go. Did I mention he is not feeling well? So we arrive at our new place and the first day were here I was awed by the beauty of my new surroundings. I have never seen leaves change colors. Its beautiful. Everywhere you look is a different color tree, red, yellow, orange, its just amazing. I find my way to the store with no major mishaps and the children and I commence to cleaning. The next day our stuff arrived and we started living in box land. We are still living in box land, let me explain before you think I am lazy. My husband ends up sick and going to the emergency room, he has a abscess on his tonsils that was swelling his throat shut. After two different emergency room visits we are finally back home. The next day we actually got some unpacking done. But that afternoon all I wanted to was sleep. That feeling you get when you are first pregnant and all you can do is sleep. Yeah that feeling. But no I am not expecting. I ended up with the flu and some kind of throat infection. I literally wanted to die. For some reason I just don't think Mississippi likes us very much. It hasn't been very good to us so far. Hopefully one day I can unpack and settle in. As of right now I haven't ate in 3 days and all I have the energy for is to sit here and whine about how much life sucks. If you are still reading this you must really like me and thanks for listening.

Hannah Montana Naked

This is the first time my boys have shared a room. So today they were supposed to unpack boxes in their new room. What really happened was more playing than unpacking. In the midst of this chaos I was unpacking the kitchen and I heard a awful lot of giggling. I went to investigate and all I could hear was Ryan yelling at the top of his lungs " I got Hannah Montana Naked"! I am sure he is not the first boy to desire such thing. So I step into the room and low and behold he sure has. He must have found a box of his sister's stuff mixed in with theirs and found a Hannah Montana Doll and took her clothes on. This does not disturb me, what disturbs me is what happened next. He managed to find Hunter Dan, Hunter Dan is the boy hunting doll you can buy at the Bass Pro Shop all good little Redneck Boys have one, and proceeds to strip Hunter Dan down to his glory and then redress him in Hannah Montana's clothes. So now we have a naked Hannah Montana and Hunter Dan dressed in drag. In further moving news hubby is still sick as a dog and can't help unpack and the dog is still freaking out and peeing on things, he does this every time we move, stupid ass pugs. Oh and I still pretty much live in box land.

Moving

I just wanted to pop in and let you guys know I have not abandon ya'll. We moved already and I just got my Internet back on. I have 200 boxes to unpack. I am not exaggerating, that's really how many I have. So I will have lots of moving posts to share soon. I just need to get my house in order, cause right now I live in box land, its kind of like a homeless village but warm and dry.

Halloween

Picture this if you will. A home in the suburbs on Halloween night, the anticipation is on overload. Now fill it with 10 kids and let the chaos began. As groups of children are running around home my I am trying to get my kids in their costumes. I spent about 15 minutes on Taylor's hair trying to tease some volume into it. I get it all fixed and this is a chore, her hair is stick straight. I grabbed the hairspray. I went all out and got black, purple and purple glitter hairsprays to match her costume. I tell her to cover her face and I spray. I spray silly string. I grabbed the wrong damn can. Now she is screaming and manages to get it from me while I am laughing hysterically, people are running into my bedroom trying to see whats going on and the silly string war is on. There was purple silly string all over my house and I had to redo her hair. I should also mention how bad silly string tastes when sprayed directly into your mouth while you are laughing like a loon. Finally we got it under control and our trick or treating commenced. I am still finding random patches of silly string but I am not worried I leave here in three days and it the new owners can just guess as to what kind of craziness went on in this house.

Perverts

For once in my life I am talking about perverts and I am not referring to myself. I had a bit of a blow today. I didn't do my research before I bought a house. I just ASSumed that because I lived by a school there would be no sex offenders around. That's what happens when I ASSume things. I forgot that if they can live by a school if they lived there before they committed the crime. So now I am the proud owner of a home located half a mile from Chester the Child Molester. This does not please me. I am trying to make myself feel better that Mr. Chester is 74. Surly he will die soon right? Fall break his hip and no longer be able to walk? The old grandpa on Family Guy that is always after Chris doesn't seem so funny anymore. What they hell was I thinking? I might have to trade in my pug for a pitbull.

Excuse me while I have a nervous breakdown

I know I have said in the past that I was going to crack up. But the possibility is really here this time. This move is getting to me. The kids are getting to me. My parents visit totally ruined me. I mean sitting in the corner drooling on myself with a straitjacket gotten to me. How can you live to be a certain age *cough 56* and not know how to get along with people? Just normal human beings. How can one person be so cool and marry someone so not cool? It blows my mind. Anyway I survived and they are gone and I will miss my Dad but I am glad he took his wife home.

When did this happen?

Yesterday after school I was sitting in the car waiting for my oldest to get off the bus. I had already picked up the younger two. So as I sit there the buses arrive and he is just standing there talking. I was early and he wasn't expecting me. So we sit there and observe as he macks on this group of girls. His wingman, aka my 4th child, by his side. I am dumbfounded. It was just yesterday that I made my mom park behind the middle school when she picked me up because I didn't want my friends to see me. I wasn't being mean really all the guys in school hit on her, but that's another post followed closely by a therapy session. So I find myself as the mom who sits in her minivan and watches her son hit on girls. When the hell did this happen? I demand a recount! Seriously when I had the kids I was always too young. Now I am old. I have decided that my kids made me old. If I was a single girl living in New York City I would be in my prime, doing well enough in my career to afford great shoes and just now thinking about marriage and kids. So there its all their fault that I am feeling old at 30.

One Day

I have decided that every woman should get one day a month off to lay in bed and cuss at Eve.Today was my day. There is nothing worse than the nothing fits but my sweats, cramping, emotional, first day of your period. I took my kids to school and went straight back to bed where I stayed till I had to go get them again 7 hours later. I wish they could drive and I never had to leave bed at all. Its just that bad today. Usually I only wish for a penis when I have to pee and there are no bathrooms but today I have a full case of penis envy. Bring on the menopause.

Phone Sex

So Mark and I don't really have phone sex I just always thought it was a great title. We do however spend a big chunk of our time together on the phone. We are at this point living in two different states at least for another month. I have always been someone who spends a lot of time on the phone. So the other night I was on said phone gossiping with my dear friend Katie and Mark calls to tell me goodnight. I get off the phone to talk to him. This is a big deal, together we have a total of 9 kids, for us to talk on the phone in peace is a BIG DEAL. So being the good wife that I am I talk to Mark. We are talking about the house we are buying and our upcoming move and I am telling him all my moving fears and how stressful it is, and how hard it is to make friends and etc. So then I am telling him that his cat is not eating. He does this every time Mark is gone for awhile. I am telling him this about his cat, the cat I could care less about, I am a dog person. So as I tell him all of this feline info he starts chuckling and then laughs and he says "Kenny just died". Excuse me? Kenny just died! Are you fucking kidding me? The man is ignoring me and watching South Park. Kenny always dies its not even funny anymore! This is why we don't have phone sex, he might ignore me when Cartman starts cussing.

Today I shop

So today I leave for Mississippi to look for a new house. We have narrowed it down to like a million. No more like 20. But when you factor in the three kids we are taking with us that makes it a million. Like my math skills? So anyway I am off on another daring trip to Mississippi, who knows what adventures will await me, maybe I will end up getting another tooth pulled, get lost trying to find the highway, or end up in a town with nothing to eat while starving? Or maybe it will be nothing like my last trip. At least I get to see my husband, too bad we are going to have the kids, all three, in the same hotel as us. I swear they have sex radar, we waited till they all went to sleep and tried to sneak in the bathroom and boom one of them knocking on the door asking us what we were doing. If you ever find yourself in this situation let me tell you what to say, because you might not be able to think fast on your feet. You just yell out I am in the damn shower and your daddy is taking a crap what you do think we are doing now go back to bed. Your welcome.

I seen the Queen

I did it! I went to see Gretchen Wilson, aka Queen of the Redneck Women, in concert. I am talking about touched her hand close! It was awesome. I took my best friend and we had the best time ever! The concert was great, we gambled, drank, partied in the clubs and did it all with our cowboy boots on, that's right we ain't scared. Screw high heels when you can wear your shitkickers. It's probably the last time I will see her before I move even farther away and I am so glad I got to spend this weekend with her, there is no one else on earth I would rather stand in line for two hours with. Oh and the best pick up line ever goes to the guy in the club who told Mantha he would shine her belt buckle for her.

Rednecks don't shop at Target

This morning I went to do some grocery shopping at my local SuperTarget, oh how I love the SuperTarget. Just a normal little grocery list, until I get to the milk section. I had pulled out my trusty Paula Deen cookbook and was going to make her banana nut bread. So I stand today in the milk section hunting for buttermilk, see I am redneck we hunt for our food. Cow milk, soy milk, organic milk, coffee creamer, tea, juice, where the hell is the goddamn buttermilk? Well the answer is across the street at Walmart, Target doesn't carry buttermilk. Well there goes my high class Supertarget shopping, my ass belongs at Walmart or WinnDixie where they sell buttermilk.

House Hunting

I have been house hunting recently. I don't know if its just because Mississippi is 20 years behind the rest of the world or if they just have really bad taste in the area I might be moving to, but oh dear lord the houses are atrocious! I can't look at another listing without throwing up. Wallpaper is not cool! Ever! Wood paneling should be torn down at the earliest possible convenience. Big huge puffy artificial flower arrangements are not proper decor and for the love of god anything MAUVE should be taken to the dump immediately. Don't even stop at that red light just take it there. What I really want to know is where the hell are these men? I know good and well they don't like this shit. Take your balls back out of your woman's purse and tear down some flowers and hang your deer head up. I am so ashamed of my possible future home. Its sad when you think Alabama is the better place to live. And on a further update his interview is tomorrow so I should know something here in the next day or week or when ever they decide we have waited long enough.

I drank the koolaid.

Actually not only did I drink the koolaid but I am now running around with a funnel trying to share my lurve with everyone! I am obessed with my new ipod. I say new but actually what I mean is my first ipod ever. I have been a creative fan for 5 years and recently went with a sansa, but finally after one too many car trips with my family I decided I am going ipod, I want video. I am beyond estatic. I swear you get addicted just touching it. Really you do. It is so freaking cool. I can now listen to all my music and watch pretty in pink and the 16 candles all in one pink plastic covered device. Oh and the accesories! Oh there are so many choices. Its good to go with the rest of the lemmings somtimes, they have more choices. I am totally converted. So much that I think my next computer will be a, gasp, mac. Yep I said it. After years of refusing anything to do with Apple I am now totally sleeping with the enemy, hell I am a total slut for them.

Priceless

Monster Truck Tickets- $52.00

Concession Stand- $20.50

Souvenir Stand- $58.00

Parking at Civic Center- $5.00

Seeing the look on my son's face when he saw Gravedigger for the first time- Absolutely Priceless

A day at the beach

Yesterday a friend invited me to come out to her beach house with her. I sorta didn't want to because I have this overwhelming need to not commit to anything because I don't want to get up and have to be somewhere. But I said yes and drug my tired ass out of bed, its tired cause it stays up all night keeping the rest of me up with it. We packed 4 kids in the van and off we go. We swam, kayaked, played, ate, and just hung out. We ended up having a awesome time and I was able to relax and even have fun playing with my kids. It seems like everything has been so overwhelming and they have been on my nerves so much that its been hard for me to have fun with them. But we did and it was a blast and I am so glad I did. I came home feeling so good, relaxed and at peace. I didn't mind my slight sunburn or my cut up feet, my feet have some special magnet that also are in oyster shells.

Times are a changing

Warning if you are my mother in law or anyone remotely related to me please leave now, we are about to discuss sexy times, thanks!

So I think there is something to that whole 30 year old sexual peak thing. It has been insane lately. It seems to be all I think of. I am seriously a teenage boy trapped in a minivan driving mama's body. This is not a bad thing, except for my freaking husband has been out of town a lot and its getting old. I swear I used to could go forever and everything was fine. My dear husband once put it that I was a sexual camel that stores it up till the next time. We are going to leave any camel toe remarks in our minds mmmk? I really hate this twist of fate that has cause me to have all these feelings now. I mean for years my husband was begging and I was like no thanks! Three kids, new baby, stress, moves, etc etc. There was always a reason why not to. I think karma is a bitch and she has got me good this time. In other sexy times news if you have not discovered the yoga ball, you must. Yes that's right go do it on a yoga ball, it doesn't matter who's on top try it both ways. You can thank me later.

How far do you go?

Disclaimer-
From now on we will assume I am either bat shit crazy or on pain pills. I don't have a wooden paper towel holder, it's red. Enjoy the post!

How far will you take the matching thing? Purse and shoes? Tablecloth and napkin? Lipstick and blush? Well I am rather embarrassed to say that I have to match my paper towel holder to my napkin holder. It doesn't matter to me that they reside across the kitchen from each other. I am incapable of buying ones that don't match. I tried today. I have a wood paper towel holder and a white napkin holder, its bothered me for months that they don't match. So I tried to find a new napkin holder since I love my paper towel holder. Nope it ain't happening, I can't find a wooden one. I just can't buy one that isn't matching wood. I must have matching ones. I am either going to drive myself nuts trying to find a matching napkin holder or I am going to have to give up my much loved paper towel holder. I must have been out of my mind to buy one without the other to began with. God the decisions we are forced to make in life. Don't step in that sarcasm I just dripped.

Maturity part deux

So I am taking this whole maturity thing to heart. I am going to start dressing like a big girl. Unfortunately I guess that means I will have to keep putting on my big girl panties. I have stopped buying clothes that come from the juniors department. I haven't bought a thing with a logo or brand on it. I am really applying myself here. I am trying to dress my age. My issue is I always feel like I am playing dress up. I just have to wrap my mind around the fact that I am 30 years old and I need to dress like it. I am also working on stopping my rather bad habit of going out of the house, to the store, etc with no makeup on. I also tend to wear gym clothes everyday rather I am going there or not, they are just so comfty! So from here on out if you see me slinking around Target looking like hell please feel free to give my big girl panties a wedgie and take me to task. I am going to do better I SWEAR!

A million things

I have a million things on my mind right now. It's literally reeling. We may or may not be moving. I have no clue what to do about the school situation in this new town. I have to get the kids ready for school to start here. I had oral surgery and my mouth is sore, I am so worried I am going to get dry socket, I have to get through today and I think my chances of getting it will be done. I have to get my house clean and in order, and ready to put up for sale if he gets this job, if not it at least has to be cleaned. I am just really stressed over every thing right now. I just feel like this summer has been such a waste and its one freaking thing after another and nothing seems to go right. It seems like every trip has been wasted due to some type of pain I have had. Its really getting on my last nerve. I am getting really tired of putting on my big girl panties and dealing with it, I just want to hang them bitches up on a flag pole somewhere.

Maturity

There is a lot to be said for being mature. Older people might take a little longer to do things but I don't think that's always a bad thing. Take talking for instance. Older more, mature people take their time conversing, they think out what they are going to say. I really need to age a bit or look into this maturity thing cause I tend to open my mouth rapid fire and just say whatever the heck is on my mind. Yeah there is a lot to be said for maturity, either that or I need a censorship mouth piece.

I miss my son

I want my boy back. A month has been plenty of time for me to get over his 12 year old attitude. I am ready for him to come back home. Yes I was wrong. I thought I would be glad for him to spend the summer with his mom. Well I am not. I am missing him. Although I will say that I didn't start missing him right away like I usually do, it took a few weeks, I guess I was needing a slight break. Don't all parents of tweens need a slight break? He will be coming back home this weekend. He was bored at his Mom's and ready to come back home. Plus he has homework. Yes in the summer he still has it, welcome to preparatory school, he better get into freaking Harvard. Wait never mind I take that back, he better get a scholarship to Harvard, cause you know I ain't going to pay for it. I really wonder if I will survive raising these kids? I mean I doubt it will outright kill me, I just think I might be mentally done for and just sit and drool on myself, instead of enjoying my hard earned freedom.

Seasonal Depression

I have heard that people get depressed in the Winter. Well I think here in the South we get depressed in the summer. Its hot as hell and you can't do anything outside that doesn't involve sitting in water. Your kids are home and driving you nuts. Your power bill is $300 from the A/C running nonstop. There is kool aid and popsicles melting and sticking to everything you touch. Your car is like a oven every time you get in it. You get a sunburn every time you walk outside to check the mail. It used to not effect me as much. I don't know if its because I have less tolerance for it or if because the economy and gas prices have made it to hard to really do anything so you are stuck at home for the most part. I know there is a Alan Jackson song called the Summertime Blues and I think the man was on to something. Its a miserable, hot, depressing summer.

Feel like a taco?

Well if you do, don't go to my fav Mexican restaurant for lunch. They have been overrun by a bad case of stupidity. Taylor and I walk in for lunch and there is one other person waiting. She is seated and Taylor and are still standing there. Finally after looking at us about 4 times the hostess comes back over and says oh are you not with her? Um no that's why I am still standing here. So she seats us. Then we proceeded to get the dumbest waitress on earth. She shows up and says what do you want? Not what can I get you to drink, not can I take your order, but what do you want? Well for starters I want another waitress. But no I didn't say it because I have a fear of spit in my food. So we order and things are all good. Taylor and I are eating chips and salsa and our food comes out really fast. Then it gets ugly really fast. My tortillas are cold and hard. I am incapable of eating my steak fajitas with out my tortilla, and dammit I am paying for it so I want it right. Well the waitress is no where to be seen. As I sit and watch my fajitas go from sizzling to cold and forming grease clots I am seething. The waitress finally comes over and asks if I want my check, I nicely tell her about my tortilla problem. So she goes oh I wondered why you weren't eating. Oh my fucking god! Did she really just say this? Taylor and I had been watching for her but never seen her. Where the hell was she, in a office watching me on closed circuit television? I just about lost it right then and there. So she brings me some warm tortillas for my cold fajitas. I am telling you there is a bad case of stupidity and it's effected everyone at this restaurant. I am going to have to start going back to Chili's for lunch where the people are a little more intelligent and they open 30 minutes sooner anyway.

Only in Alabama

Only in the great state of Alabama can you go to the beach, plant your butt down on the sand, dig your toes in, and enjoy looking at the oil rigs. Yes from the beach you can see freaking oil rigs. I have never seen such shit in my life. Makes me want to jump on the next thing rolling back to Florida where we keep our oil rigs out of view from the beach and our water is clearer, atleast on the gulf side.

Friends

Sometimes in our lives things happen to us that are unthinkable. How we deal with these things and the people who help us deal with them are very important. I had such a situation come up and it really shows you who your real friends are. My friends are the people who held me up when I was falling down, who don't judge me, who stick up for me, who worry for me. I am not close to family so my friends here basically are my family. I am proud to say that my friends are good ones. I am lucky to have such people in my life.

There are two kinds of people on this earth

There are dog lovers and dog haters. Dog lovers over look things like fur on everything, scratched paint on the back door, chewed furniture, dog crap in the backyard, drool, barking, snorting, snoring, and a dog in your bed every night. Then we have the dog haters, they despise all of the above. I am a dog lover. Guess what my husband is?

A little overwhelmed

I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with parenting lately. The mysterious 12 year old boy has pretty much beaten me down. I have no clue what to do with this child. He doesn't listen, like literally does not listen, he does not hear a thing I say. He defies me. He is lazy. I could go on for days. I just no longer trust him any further than I can throw him and guess what? He is taller than me and over a hundred pounds, I ain't throwing him no where! Then we have the daughter. Oh yes the innocent 11 year old. Wait did I say innocent? Well not for long. She asked me the other night when did I get my first kiss, and then proceeded to go into a rampage about how everyone has a boyfriend but her and she hasn't had her first kiss and she wants to know what it feels like. Do what? Has she lost her mind? I swear no one tells you this kind of stuff will happen when you leave the hospital with that sweet little baby. I am about ready to jump ship and let Mark deal with this mess. A dear friend once said to me as soon as my child is 11 I am leaving for Costa Rica. I don't want nothing to do with kids that age. Why didn't I listen to her? Her son is now 13 and she is still around, but I bet if I called her up and said I got plane tickets she would beat me to the airport. The bright side to this whole thing is that Ryan is only 5. I still have a few years to go before I get to do this all over again. I am leaving for the beach for a week so I wont be posting this week, not that I ever manage to keep it up anyway. I will be too busy trying to keep Taylor's lips to her self and Ryan from drowning. That child has never seen a body of water he would not jump into rather he can swim or not.

I love my house

Today I am loving my home. Usually I wish for a different one. I want more yard, bigger this, better that. But today I just love my home. The flowers are growing outside and look beautiful. It smells like the chicken I have in the crock pot, which later will be turned into chicken noodle soup and chicken salad on croissants. Its fairly clean. Clean enough that I don't feel bad getting on the computer rather than picking up. Maybe its the stress relief of school being over. My happiness abounds on that issue. Maybe I am just grateful that I have a nice home in a nice place and most people don't. Its so easy to take things for granted. Its so easy to always want more. But today I am just happy with what I have. I also haven't updated about the Beast and I parting ways. Yes the Beast is no longer with us. I am now driving a Honda van, one that I have to admit I didn't want. I just wanted my Beast. But now I love it. Its really a nice vehicle. The other day I was driving down the road and my cd player is a 6 disc so it flipped to the next disc and it was Sublime, now this is not news but a song came on and I got to listening to it. Now mind you I have heard this cd a million times and I was like what is that noise. It was the water bubbling in the bong, I have never heard that before, that's how much my new vans stereo kicks ass. I now hearing bong bubbles! Anyhoo the moral of this post is I am happy with what I got and I am loving life, and I hope everyone else is too!

May 13, 1997

Eleven years ago today I gave birth for the first time. I was scared, confused, lost, and in a lot of pain. Today my little girl became such a big girl. We didn't have a party for the first time. She got her hair highlighted and went shopping. We had lunch with her best friend and her mom, and her restaurant of choice was Olive Garden. We had cheesecake for her birthday cake. It's amazing to me to watch this child grow up on her journey of becoming a woman. Today I felt like she took a big step closer. I know that she is constantly growing and changing but it seemed like today of all days she really grew up. Long gone are the days when she wants toys. As I think about the past and the future, I realize I am still scared and confused and lost. I am scared that I am doing things wrong, I am confused by the things that children do, and I am lost in this new tween world of hers. There is also the pain of child rearing, its not much better than the pain of childbirth. Your child has the ability to rip your heart out with a sentence or a act just as easily as they ripped through you to enter this world. But today I am just celebrating my child, trying not to worry and just enjoy her while I have her, as she is fast approaching her womanhood.

Party like a Rockstar!

So last night was my big moms night out. The first since my birthday. I had so many plans. Those plans involve drinks, bars, dancing and high heels. So first of all my foot is still bothering me from the pulled tendon, so I was wearing flats. Then some friends could not make it and started just getting tired and out of the mood. So I ended up having dinner out with the Queen, having a major hot flash and not wanting to finish my margarita. Yes I am aware that I am 30 but I have been having them for a couple of years now due to my pmdd. So we came back home and sat and talked about having babies. Rockstars we are! Really we get away from the kids and talk about the kids. Then she goes home and call my friend who had my kids and get my boys back. That's right my big night out and I am home with my kids who were gone for the night and in bed by 10:30. Jealous aren't ya'll? Maybe next time I will tie one on, last night was just not the night for me.

The end of the year

Its that time of the year again. Its all over with! Yep school is letting out and children are rejoycing. Mothers on the other hand are bitching. No its not because we are about to be subjected to our children 24-7, we knew that part of the job when signed up. Oh no its a whole other complaint. The dreaded teacher appreciate weeks, end of year trips, class parties, teacher gifts. Educaters I beg of you stop the insanity. I can't afford to keep this crap up. Really! Its a pain in my butt and my pocket book. Its just too much to do and they pack too many activites into too little time. I wonder if the teachers ever want to say hey lets not do so much, hey you know I have kids in multiple schools I wonder if the parents have a hard time making everything also, hey this might cost a little too much. I don't know if they do or not but dang it they need to! I am absolutly sick of it! Bring on summer, it's free!

Attention Target Shoppers!

I just wanted to let you fellow target shoppers know that when you are using the facilites, you know the single toliet next to the pharmacy, its a good idea to keep it on the down low. I frequent this bathroom quite often, sometimes have to wait for someone to come out so I can go in. During such occasion I sometimes am party to listening to your sounds. The bathrooms are not soundproof I can hear you grunting in there! This makes me worry that the air quality will not be safe for me to venture into when you are done. So fellow shoppers I warn you keep your grunts to yourself cause they are broadcasted throughout the entire health section of Target. If such thing doesn't bother you, well more power to you and can you please shop at the Walmart across the street. Thanks!

The bad kid

We have a week every school year called teacher appreciation week. Every day you bring the teacher a different thing and a parent volunteers to take the class to lunch so the teacher can have duty free lunch. Today was my day to take the class to lunch. A 4th grade class. Peace of cake right? WRONG! A boy looked me in my eyes and told me he didn't have to listen to me, then he sat down and called me a bitch. Another child would not stop talking about strippers. Almost every boy in this class was acting out and being horrible. It was insane. There are 19 boys in this class. I don't think boys are bad, I just think they put every bad kid together and stuck them in this class. These kids were so bad. I was shocked at how they acted. I used to think Taylor was exaggerating when she told me how good the girls were and how bad the boys were. I thought she was just bragging on her self and her fellow girls. I wonder how much more she would learn in class if the teacher didn't have to deal with keeping these boys in line all day long? I know that it was my choice to put them in public school, ok well not really, hubby refused homeschooling and we cant afford private school times three. But really did I make a mistake? Will my youngest son go apeshit crazy in a few years and become one of these bad boys? Is it a full moon?

It's my birfday ya'll!

In honor of my birthday today I have prepared a very special post.
Thirty things to do since I am 30.

1. Fly in a plane
2. Leave the country
3. Eat sushi
4. Go to baseball game
5. Drive a stick shift and not stall
6. Get a facial
7. Get a massage
8. See snow
9. Go to the Caribbean and get my hair braided
10. Get in shape
11. See the Northern Lights
12. Run a mile
13. Go to a Mardi Gras Ball
14. Make it to Pirate on Horse Isle
15. Catch a really big fish
16. Have matching bedroom furniture
17. Beat expert on Guitar Hero
18. Teach my pug to roll over and play dead
19. Learn to make hospital corners
20. Learn to speak a foreign language
21. Own a donkey
22. Own my own gun
23. Try tequila shots
24. See George Strait in concert
25. Go on a cruise
26. Go camping
27. Clean a fish
28. Eat fried ice cream
29. Learn to knit
30. Learn to not care what others think and live my life to the fullest

Healthy Foods

I have been on healthy food overload lately. Really watching what I eat and trying to feed the kids well also. So this morning I am running late to the gym, and Ryan hasn't had breakfast, he is out of school today. So he has a apple juice and funyuns for breakfast and I had a glass of sweet tea. Yes I think I might be batting a thousand today already! We did eat when we got back home and I tried to get him to have a poptart but he wanted funyuns and I really wasn't in the mood to argue. Yep vote for me for mother of the year!

Fears and Concerns

I have once again reached the point with one of my children where we are ready for Kindergarten. I can't help but to think back at the hell of Taylor's first year of Kindergarten. The meetings and the test's, she might be this or that, perhaps she is add, no maybe a learning disability. In reality all it was is she needed more time, she was younger than the other kids when she started. I held her back and it was straight A's from them on, well she is carrying some B's and tried me once with a C but we got that under control real quick. So Ryan is a different child, he is really smart. But he is having a hard time with speech. So as of yesterday he was finally approved for speech. He will take it from now till May at his school twice a week and then again next year if needed. Once again I question myself as a parent, what if I did this or that? What if I tried a little harder? What if I went to college and knew more? I try to tell myself I am what I am and worrying will not change the past. Then we have the comments, the advice, from well meaning friends and family. Do this, try that, don't speak for him, blah blah blah.... It hurts to hear every ones opinion on what you are doing wrong as a parent. Especially when being one is your life, you gave up everything else to be one. I was never one to take criticism well anyway. So once again I start on a journey of educating my child. I try and tell myself look at how far you have came, my oldest is in a preparatory school and kicking butt there, my daughter is in 4th grade making good grades and is doing so well. I just have this instinct that if something is wrong with my child its my fault, its something I did wrong. Its my job to raise them and its a hard job, sometimes harder than I think I can handle.

The best birthday present ever!!!

So last weekend my best friend came and seen me. She still lives in my hometown so we don't get to see each other much. Its a little early for the birthday visit but we couldn't wait any longer. So she was so excited to give me my presents, mainly because she can't ever keep a secret. She usually calls me from the store to tell me what she just bought me. Yes! She is that bad. She is dying to tell me what they are and I am putting my hands over my ears and saying nananananananananananan I am not listening to you!! I wanted a surprise. So she gets here and hauls her stuff out her car and starts handing me the presents. She tells me there are two and one will make me cry and one is funny. It's long been established that I don't ever cry at things she thinks I should. EVER! So I open the first present. Yeah I just about did cry, I didn't, but it was close. It was the best birthday present ever. She put pictures of me and her in a shadowbox frame. There were pics I had never seen, pics I didn't remember taking. It the best present ever!! I loved it. Then she dropped the bomb. I had to share. She told me it was the sisterhood of the traveling frame, yet another thing she thought I would cry about that I didn't. So on her birthday I give it back to her. Our birthdays are 6 months apart. So I sit whining about how I don't like to share. I never have, I am a only child, I don't share! Then she is handing me my other present. The funny one. Its a pig shaped chalkboard. Really it is. A pig that his belly is a chalkboard. I get to keep the pig year round so I guess I can share the picture. All in all it is still the best birthday present ever!!

She who shops the most...

Loses! I joined the no shopping challenge on Happy Housewives. No shopping for one month expect for essentials like groceries. Will I survive? No shoes, not even a flip flop, no new purses!!! The AGONY!! I am going to do this. I can do it. Not even a trip to the dollar tree, I shall not buy anything for a month. The month of my birthday no less, what if I all of a sudden get depressed and need to shop? I am already looking for excuses! I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!

Kid Rock

Mark and I went and seen Kid Rock last night. It was the best concert I have ever been to. He put on the best show, he actually played for almost 4 hours. His band are awesome musicians also. We had such a good time. It's always nice to spend time alone together. I am so glad I have a husband who goes and does things like that with me. I could not imagine having a husband who never wanted to do anything with me. I think we might be getting a little too old for rock concerts though, not that it is going to stop us, just that dang if we aren't feeling it today! Staying out late, rocking out, yelling, dancing and screaming takes a little more out of us than it used to!! Buts its all good I will for sure be there the next time Kid Rock comes to town!

It's that time again!

This afternoon I have consumed baked cheetos and starburst jellybeans. Please bring on the period already! My pms cravings are worst than pregnancy ones. I swear next month I will be wanting fried pickles or something random like that. When can I expect menopause again??

Daytona

Another year has passed and now it's time for my obsession to kick in. Yes its time for Nascar! My father and I have planned and patiently awaited all year for our day. The Daytona 500. Its our father and daughter day, no one else allowed. Well we share our day with thousands of people but none that we know. Its always one of the best days of the year. There is nothing more special than spending hundreds of dollars for a seat that you never sit in and to watch a race you don't see all of. You can't see the whole track. You usually just ask someone else the next day what happened. I would not have it any other way. As much as I love racing I love my dad with my daddy so much more. Here are a couple of pics from our day.

Do you believe in Fate?

I would not normally say I believe in fate. I believe in natural selection, karma and everything happens for a reason, but fate not so much. So today Mark had to go to court for a traffic ticket. It was one of those random Alabama things were you drive on a road that does not have a sign up and a cop pulls you over and says road is closed and tickets you. Then you have to appear in court on a certain date to find out your fine. God Bless Alabama!!! Bleh! So anyway, Mark is on his way to court today and calls me freaking out, the interstate traffic is stopped. He can't get off of it from where he is stopped and it’s totally blocked both ways. It turns out a semi has burned to the ground; he is worried that they will put a warrant out for his arrest for not showing up at court. Not sure if this really happens but we are law abiding folks so we really don't know. So finally he gets free of the traffic jam and shows up in court, pays his fine, before they stick in the pokey and makes his way to work. So then I get another call from him asking me if I believe in fate. I am thinking did he accidently inhale some crack rock being smoked while he was downtown? So he proceeds to tell me that while he is stuck in traffic the chemical plant that he works at had a chemical irritant leak. He could have been killed, he could have been sick from inhaling this toxic gas; there is no telling what could have happened. I have learned to live with the fact that my husband has a dangerous job and its best if I don't know what goes on at work. Generally he doesn't tell me things at my request, call us a don't ask and don't tell sort of family, but since it’s all over the news he figured he better clue me in on this one before someone else did. So I guess my answer is yes I do believe in fate.

Down with the Sickness

Welcome to our house of funk! I am not talking about music. Kyle is sick, we are leaving in 20 mintues to go to the doctor. I am having sinus problems, due to this crazy ass weather we have had. Mark has a stomach bug. Susan and Morgan are both sick and I suspect this is where Kyle got his from. Oh the germs in our home! Should I admit to how many cans of lysol I have went through this week? No perhaps not, no sense in calling attention to my ocd. Yeah, ok so I went through two, that would be big cans. Full ones at that. I am pretty much over this cold/flu season. Bring on my spring allegries!! In other breaking news I have been going to the gym still and walking at night with my friend Princess Taaammmmiiiiiii. Well we did it two nights in a row and that counts for something right? It does when it means two chubby girls went and walked for 2 and half miles when they could have sat in their pjs and ate junk food. I'll keep you guys updated. If you need me I will be up in the gym working on my fitness! Ha! Yes I did go there!!

Snack Options

I was just in my pantry browsing my snack options. It was narrowed down between a Hostess Cupcake and a Hostess Ding Dong. I get to looking at the choices and are they not the same thing? Why yes they are, chocolate cake with cream filling. I mean really why not just sell one snack cake and call it a day folks? Why make me stand there in my pms chocolate searching fit and have to figure out which snack cake is going to give me the best bang for my 5 pounds I am about to gain?

So I took a quiz

I went to this site today called blogthings and took a few quizes. They were not sure if I was republican or democrat but let me tell you they knew I was evil.

You Are 82% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

http://www.blogthings.com/howevilareyouquiz/">How Evil Are You?

Saturday Mornings

This morning I was making breakfast and Mark was going around irritating the kids. You know just a normal morning at our house. So Mark pops off at the mouth and says something about his ex wives. That would be plural. Taylor says Dad you have only been married twice what wives. Here we go. He is just messing around and he tells her that he was a virgin when we met. Now Taylor is slowly but surely learning the facts of life, says eww you had sex with someone else. Then Mark explains what a virgin is and tells her no me and mom was virgins when we met. Taylor goes well what about me. So then he says you were immaculately conceived like Jesus. Then she thinks for a minute and says was there liquor involved? I love Saturday mornings!

Is it the master crafter or the craft master?

So I have started a new hobby. I am learning to crochet. Eventually I am going to learn to knit but its a little off in the future. Miss Crafty I am not. I have to work at it and then work some more. What comes so easliy to some is almost impossible to me. So its my new obsession. I am going to conquer it. I will become the master. I will make a blanket. I shall master a scarf. I am going to finish something and not find the bag of stuff in the bottom of my closet a year from now. My friend told me about this cool charity where you donate handmade stuff to babies that are born dead or premie or sick. That is something very close to my heart due to my sisters death and I am excited to make something for it. Hopefully soon my skill level will be at such that you can tell what I made and it doesn't look like a bunch of knots. I'll keep you guys updated when I finally finish something.

Tired!

I am so freaking wore out. Between going back to the gym and just taking care of the house and the kids I am just burned out. Its 8:00 at night and I am ready to fall over. It seems like no matter what life just keeps coming at ya. I guess I just have alot on my plate right now. I will be so glad when we leave for vacation. Hopefully I can get some rest and relaxation. I never count on it when you vacation with kids but I hope I can. I am so wore out that I am not even going to Mardi Gras Ball that I was so desperate to go to. I am just going to go next year. I have already went to two parades and I am just done. I don't have it in me to get dressed up and stay out all night. Maybe I need to take some vitamins. On the bright side I have been steadily losing weight despite my lack of dieting. Yes its true you can lose weight and eat hungry howies, just stay so busy that you are about to crash. Well I am going to go to bed now. Thanks for listening to me whine.

Riddle Me This

Why for the love of God do I have the worst luck ever?? Tonight after a long day, went to the gym, did some housework, grocery shop, made homemade spaghetti and meatballs, I craved a bath. I had to have one. So off I go. The delight of my bathtub, new Star Magazine, locked door no child can unlock. Oh its HEAVEN!!! So as I run the water and make sure I have everything I need. I realize as soon as I flop down into my HEAVEN my husband is going to call. So I grab my phone. Now I stand buck naked, water running looking for a safe place to put my phone. Only a idiot would sit a uninsured blackberry on the tub ledge, where it would surely fall in. Not me, oh no, I fail around my bathroom looking for a spot to put it, where I can reach it, trip over my own feet and PLOP goes my phone right into HEAVEN!!! Yeah that's right! I shall never go to Vegas I would probably catch the whole town on fire with my luck.

Brain Training

So I have tried this Brain Age game on the DS. Its a game that you are supposed to play everyday to train your brain. Using your brain is supposed to keep you smart, like using a muscle or losing it. Well I just don't like it. It makes me think too much. I know that's the point, but its just a little too much thinking for me. So instead I train my brain on Webkinz. That's right I admit to it. I go on my sons Webkinz and play little stupid games and win him money. He then spends the money on new furniture for his pet. They are all child based games and don't take alot of thought but I am using my brain. They are cute and funny and keeps you interested. Brain Age drags along and you are like am I dont yet? So screw Brain Age, I will keep my brain trained with Webkinz.

Why I love my husband.

I have been challenged by Kathy @ http://aqueeninthehousefullofmen.blogspot.com/ to post the reasons why I love my husband.

1. He loves me for who I am.
2. He appreciates my cooking.
3. He always smells good.
4. He works hard so I can stay home.
5. He is a good father.
6. He makes me laugh.
7. He stays out of my friendships even when I fuss with my friends.
8. He can drive a stick, he can drive anything for that matter.
9. He is confident.
10. He is good with babies.

Afternoons

Only in my house in the afternoon can you hear a 12 year old on saxophone, a 4 year old on a guitar, and a 1 year old bird screaming at them to SHUT UP!!!! It's standing room only ladies and gents, get your tickets early.