May 13, 1997

Eleven years ago today I gave birth for the first time. I was scared, confused, lost, and in a lot of pain. Today my little girl became such a big girl. We didn't have a party for the first time. She got her hair highlighted and went shopping. We had lunch with her best friend and her mom, and her restaurant of choice was Olive Garden. We had cheesecake for her birthday cake. It's amazing to me to watch this child grow up on her journey of becoming a woman. Today I felt like she took a big step closer. I know that she is constantly growing and changing but it seemed like today of all days she really grew up. Long gone are the days when she wants toys. As I think about the past and the future, I realize I am still scared and confused and lost. I am scared that I am doing things wrong, I am confused by the things that children do, and I am lost in this new tween world of hers. There is also the pain of child rearing, its not much better than the pain of childbirth. Your child has the ability to rip your heart out with a sentence or a act just as easily as they ripped through you to enter this world. But today I am just celebrating my child, trying not to worry and just enjoy her while I have her, as she is fast approaching her womanhood.