So I didn't do it all

It was a really big list. I am working on it though. So yesterday Mark took Ryan to the Doodlebops concert. I really had mixed feelings about it all. Relieved I didn't have to drive across town and figure out where to park. But I was also sad. I wanted to see the look on his face when they came out, and experience that excitement with him. I was sorta bummed about it. I know its selfish as hell. Mark has been gone 8 months and they are his children too. Buts it the way I felt. I was also worried what if he forgets to hold his hand? I can't help myself. When I met him he had Kyle who was 4 years old and took care of him alone. But I am just a born worrier I guess. I know he is capable of taking care of them. So I guess I am a selfish worrier! I did spend time alone with Tay while they were gone. We went to the library, and met them for lunch pre concert, and then I took her to do her Christmas shopping at Target. I also changed my hair color on Friday and went darker than I have ever been. Let's all do the Adams Family snaps together, dud du dump! Call me Morticia from now on. The kids swear its black but actually a dark chocolate brown. I think its very pretty and she cut it again a little so it lays down so much better. Let me tell you that cut little Posh bob was so great this summer but its a bitch to grow back out. Especially when you have to thin it so much when you have really thick hair. But anyway I love it and that's all that matters. We are just having a lazy day today. Being bums. This week coming up is going to be hell. I have Ryan's Christmas party, Taylor's Christmas party and Kyle's band concert all on the same day. Can someone meet me with a cocktail around 5:30 pm in the Phillips Preparatory School parking lot? I am Taylor's room mother so I have to also arrange the pizzas and everything else and make sure that their party goes well. I also have to bring Ryan with me. Thank God he is older now and so much better about doing things. The days of being tied at home with naps, and toting around diaper bags are far behind me now. As much as I worried about wanting another child, I am so happy with the way things are now its unbelievable. I don't think I could handle going through it all again. I think my baby days are behind me and as I approach 30 I am quite sure they are gone. Its nice having some freedom. Mark and I are planning a weekend away in the next month or so and we were also looking at taking a cruise as a family. Yep things just keep looking up, that baby thing doesn't look all that great anymore. Not that you can't do things with a baby. We just can't. We can never afford financially to have the said baby and do other things at the same time. We also require lots of sleep and get uber bitchy when we don't get it. When I say we I mean our whole family. Even the kids were ill when Ryan would cry at night and wake them up. LOL So I am sure I will always have my regrets about not having at least one more, I am pretty sure I will be able to live with my decisions. Ryan has grown up so much since we have moved here its insane. He is a little boy not and not a baby at all. Not even a inch of baby fat left. It really makes me proud that I am ok with it. I have always second guessed myself and my choices and its nice for once to just be ok with them. So anyway bring on my 30's! I feel like I am finally getting somewhere in my life, even if its only understanding what I want out of it.