I was a housewife when being a housewife wasn't cool.

I got to thinking the other day about this. I have always wanted to be a housewife. I didn't go to college. I didn't have a career. Its want I always wanted. It seems these days that its so cool to be a housewife or a sahm. So many women choose to stay home. They give up careers and stay home with their children, or just stay home period. I know women have stayed home for years and I am not the first by no means. I just felt like giving myself a little credit for doing the cool thing when it wasn't so cool. When my friends were going to college and starting their careers, I was reading what to expecting while you are expecting and doing laundry. Its sorta nice to be the trendy one. Yep that's me trendy!

So I didn't do it all

It was a really big list. I am working on it though. So yesterday Mark took Ryan to the Doodlebops concert. I really had mixed feelings about it all. Relieved I didn't have to drive across town and figure out where to park. But I was also sad. I wanted to see the look on his face when they came out, and experience that excitement with him. I was sorta bummed about it. I know its selfish as hell. Mark has been gone 8 months and they are his children too. Buts it the way I felt. I was also worried what if he forgets to hold his hand? I can't help myself. When I met him he had Kyle who was 4 years old and took care of him alone. But I am just a born worrier I guess. I know he is capable of taking care of them. So I guess I am a selfish worrier! I did spend time alone with Tay while they were gone. We went to the library, and met them for lunch pre concert, and then I took her to do her Christmas shopping at Target. I also changed my hair color on Friday and went darker than I have ever been. Let's all do the Adams Family snaps together, dud du dump! Call me Morticia from now on. The kids swear its black but actually a dark chocolate brown. I think its very pretty and she cut it again a little so it lays down so much better. Let me tell you that cut little Posh bob was so great this summer but its a bitch to grow back out. Especially when you have to thin it so much when you have really thick hair. But anyway I love it and that's all that matters. We are just having a lazy day today. Being bums. This week coming up is going to be hell. I have Ryan's Christmas party, Taylor's Christmas party and Kyle's band concert all on the same day. Can someone meet me with a cocktail around 5:30 pm in the Phillips Preparatory School parking lot? I am Taylor's room mother so I have to also arrange the pizzas and everything else and make sure that their party goes well. I also have to bring Ryan with me. Thank God he is older now and so much better about doing things. The days of being tied at home with naps, and toting around diaper bags are far behind me now. As much as I worried about wanting another child, I am so happy with the way things are now its unbelievable. I don't think I could handle going through it all again. I think my baby days are behind me and as I approach 30 I am quite sure they are gone. Its nice having some freedom. Mark and I are planning a weekend away in the next month or so and we were also looking at taking a cruise as a family. Yep things just keep looking up, that baby thing doesn't look all that great anymore. Not that you can't do things with a baby. We just can't. We can never afford financially to have the said baby and do other things at the same time. We also require lots of sleep and get uber bitchy when we don't get it. When I say we I mean our whole family. Even the kids were ill when Ryan would cry at night and wake them up. LOL So I am sure I will always have my regrets about not having at least one more, I am pretty sure I will be able to live with my decisions. Ryan has grown up so much since we have moved here its insane. He is a little boy not and not a baby at all. Not even a inch of baby fat left. It really makes me proud that I am ok with it. I have always second guessed myself and my choices and its nice for once to just be ok with them. So anyway bring on my 30's! I feel like I am finally getting somewhere in my life, even if its only understanding what I want out of it.

My to do list

Here is my little list of things I have to do today. Just to put my life in perspective, and to hush my mil who is bitching at me for not posting, lol.

Take Taylor to school, Ryan is playing hooky.
Go to Target.
Drop off supplies at school.
Call Carpet Cleaners
Call hairdresser
Sweep and Mop
Call ATT
Call XM
Vacuum
Put up laundry and start new loads
Address Christmas Cards
Clean Max's Cage
Wrap Presents
Mail out packages and pictures
Rearrange Christmas Decorations
Take Winston to groomers

So that is my list taken straight from the piece of paper I just pulled out my pocket. So far today its 9:48 am, and I have went to Target, went by the school, called the carpet guy, decided to take Winston tomorrow so he will be out of the house while carpet guy is here, and wasted time on the computer. Oh I forgot to start the laundry and lay out meat for dinner. A friend is coming over to help me and Kyle put his science project board together so I am bribing them with dinner. Such fun! On the bright side I don't have a whole lot of cleaning to do since I have done nothing but bust my ass for the past week. Yah me! I am going back to the gym next week. I still have the rest of this month and next month to decided if I want to stay at that gym or go to another one. So there is my things to do today list. Oh and at some point hubby is going to call me to pick him up at the car dealer. Well I am off to get some more things knocked off my list.

Thankful

I was thinking today what am I thankful for? I am thankful for my family. For my friends. I am thankful for someone to steal the leftover pizza. I am thankful for my pets. I am thankful to live the life that I live. I dont know what it is about me but I dont do new years resolutions. I really just want to be a better me. I am weeding out the bad and trying to make me better. At the end of the day you are responsible for your own actions and cant blame anyone but yourself if your life isnt what you want it to be. I have to say that the past couple of years have been very hard emotionally on me. I hope that this upcoming year brings lots of peace into my life. I am off to check on my feast. The naked turkey dance is coming up pretty soon. I am quite excited about the McGough family tradition.

One more day

Tomorrow is the last day. Will I survive? I hope so. I have one day left till my hubby comes home. Its been 8 months. That's a long freaking time. I am excited to see him, we haven't seen each other in a month and half. I am stressing about the house. Trying to make everything look its best. I am feeling overwhelmed right now dealing with Kyle. He is giving me more shit than I can handle. If we survive this school year and he passes I will probably fall down and die of shock. Its been one thing after another. Tonight at the last minute I was expected to make a excel spreadsheet and science project graphs, line and bar. God help us all when I am required to handle shit like that. I just want to scream sometimes. I want to run out in the middle of my suburban street and yell hello I am a 9 th grade drop out and I fucking give up! My neighbor teaches engineering at the local college maybe he will feel sorry for me and help him with his homework. I don't think its normal to have a headache every single night. Its pounding right now. On the bright side I am making some progress on my life changes. I went walking today with Gracie in her big stroller which is really heavy to push up hills. I have been doing good. I know stress cant kill you but I swear it cant be good for you to have this much of it in your life. Hopefully things will calm down when Mark gets back. If not I am going to have to figure something out because I don't know how much more stress I can take. I am hoping its just the build up of him being gone for so long and me being responsible for everything and 3 kids. Its a lot. I am trying not to bitch about it, but its really gotten to me. I so need a spa day, a vacation, a one way ticket to somewhere else. LOL Too bad I would never relax because I would be too busy worrying about what was going on at home or what the kids were doing.

Today

Today was one of those days where you question getting out of bed. I was sleeping so well, I totally didnt want to get out of bed to began with. Taylor and Ryan whined and cried for no reason all morning. As we are walking out the door Ryan started whining for toast. He had a entire hour to ask for toast and waits till we are going to be late and then asks. Then you feel like shit because your child wanted some toast and you didnt make it. He had already ate something else but I still feel bad. So I run erronds and junk like that. Then the older two come home. Oh yes let the games began. Kyle was giving me shit about doing his homework. He is failing school because he doesnt turn in work. So it was progress report day and he ends up arguging with me. Like really arguging. Like standing up in my face, yes we are the same size now and telling me no I wont go to my room and do homework and shit like that. Umm yeah. This is where I lose it. I cant take my children anymore. I am calling his friends mom to come get him and get him out of here for awhile. I needed some time to cool down. So I calm down deal with him, get him taken care of and off to bed. I come into my room to get on the comp and here comes Taylor. Ryan thankfully has passed out in my bed. He has a really good sense of self preservation and knows whats good for him. So anyway here is Taylor. I look and look again. She looks funny. Oh why yes thats it... She has no fucking eyebrows!! She for whatever reason decided to shave off her eyebrows. One is really thin and barely there and the other is thin and missing a big chunk in the middle. She has been shaving her legs for a month. I knew she would pull this shit. I told her and told her only your legs up to your knee. I was her age when I started shaving and she had really hairy legs. What do you do? So as I inspected further she is also hairless on her arms. Oh yeah this will go over great, my already dark haired, furry child will now be growing all kinds of hair back. Tell me again why I wake up in the mornings? Maybe I should have kept the razor on top of the fridge? LOL Old playgroup joke.

She did what?

So today I read that Katie Holmes ran the New York Marathon and then went out that night to a movie premiere. I mean come on now! Can you please give the couch potatoes a break? How the hell do you run for 5 hours and then dress up, put on heels, and a smile on your face and go out in public? I would die. There is no way. I could totally run to the end of my road but I doubt I would be able to make it back. I have never been a runner, hated it as a child. Its just not my bag baby. I am not hating on her. I think she is cute, her kid is cute, and really what woman who grew up in the 80's didn't at some point think they were going to marry Tom Cruise? I just think she needs to rethink the whole running the marathon and then going out that night looking like a million bucks. It makes the rest of us look bad. One of the blogs I read calls her a robot, I am beginning to wonder if he isn't on to something? In other breaking news my husband will be home in 3 days. This is good news, since he hasn't lived here in 8 months. Its going to be a little bit of a adjustment having him here again after so long. I am used to staying up as late as I want blogging, reading blogs, and play diner dash. So I am going to have to get my diner dash in earlier in the day I guess. I am sure things will be fine, its just going to take some getting used to. The only people in my bed have been Ryan and my snoring pug. Mark takes up a lot of room. He is sprawled all over the place. So I am really excited to have a husband again. Also since he reads my blog I wont bitch if I am ready for him to go back on the road. LOL Just kidding honey!